Gobbledygook

We've all had our moments. Those flashes of absolute stupidity when the tongue just bypasses the whole logical thinking process in an attempt to get our thoughts out there. And while the person at the other end of the conversation stares on incredulously, we have nothing to do except hope that there's a meteor headed our way; a large one at that. I don’t know about anybody else out there, but if I had it my way, life would be just as smooth and polished as a James Bond movie.  007 never had a problem with words, whether they were directed at that horribly scarred villain or to Olga Kurylenko in all her glory. Unfortunately, life's a lot more improv. Life can never be scripted like a spy movie in much the same way I can never hope to pull off a suit and tie like Roger Moore or Pierce Brosnan.

I like to think of myself as a person who's extremely careful with the words I throw out there. My whole life revolves around saying all the right things to the people around me. But even I succumb to the pressure at times. I shudder to think about the motor mouths out there. Life must be one never-ending math equation for them. You think you've got it licked when more horrors from your past claims creep out to haunt you.

Then there is the interestingly named phenomenon called gobbledygook. This is when words flowing out of your mouth form totally irrelevant and convoluted sentences. Takes me back to that speech I gave about the Indian independence struggle at an elocution contest in school. This was way back when I was just 12 and still wore my trousers right up to my belly button. This was a big event. We had judges from the student’s chapter of UNESCO! I made a complete fool of myself trying to put together a half decent speech from the notes I had crumpled up in my sweaty palm. Our brave freedom fighters must've been rolling in their graves. My history teacher never looked at me the same again. In fact he seemed like he was ready to throw me in an institution. And not the nice kind. Luckily for me most of my friends had inevitably found something better to do on a Saturday afternoon and I was spared a great deal of mental torture.

Now it’s all well and good when a 12 year old messes up on stage. But it’s a completely different story when a public figure shoots out a brain twister while trying to connect with the common man. There are a lot of hilarious examples online. Here are some,

George W Bush, a lifetime achievement award winner for gobbledygook,

"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe – I believe what I believe is right."

Boris Johnson,

"I could not fail to disagree with you less."
 

Naomi Campbell,

"I love England, especially the food. There's nothing I like more than a lovely bowl of pasta."

Gordon Brown in a speech,

"ideas which stress the growing importance of international co-operation and new theories of economic sovereignty across a wide range of areas, macro-economics, trade, the environment, the growth of post neo-classical endogenous growth theory and the symbiotic relationships between government and investment in people and infrastructures - a new understanding of how labour markets really work and constructive debate over the meaning and implications of competitiveness at the level of individuals, the firm or the nation and the role of government in fashioning modern industrial policies which focus on nurturing competitiveness."
 

Alicia Silverstone on her (rather aptly named) film, Clueless,

"I think that Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."

I do sympathise with these people. Because in all seriousness, one can only perform to one's best in situations which tend to test one’s extent of religious and philosophical tolerances as a function of one’s acceptability to society as a whole and to one's peers who are at best locked in an attempt to eradicate one's beliefs and trusts one can only relay a vague sense of hope and optimism in the vein of friendship that one bravely tries to hold on to in these times of trials and tribulations!
Happy Gobbledygook everybody!