Flying for Dummies

"There’s nothing to flying a plane. You pull the stick thingy to go up and you push it forward to go down. Piece of cake. These pilots are nothing but a bunch of glorified bus drivers I tell you"

These were the words of a passenger seated next to me who was obviously well travelled and knowledgeable about everything under the sky. These were also - thankfully - the last words in a long tirade which included gas prices, the Middle East peace process and airline food. All in a drunken stupor courtesy of the free flowing airline red wine. Of course the red wine was put to shame by the shades of red his face developed when I told him that I was a licensed pilot myself. If nothing else it got him to shut up while I caught up on movies that I couldn’t bother spending money on in the theatres. I spaced out in a bit while listening to Natalie Portman extolling the virtues of a pure physical relationship to Aston Kutcher. I got to thinking about how people tend to totally misunderstand flying as a profession. The age old images of flying come to mind - the pilot having an easy job, getting paid by the sack load and generally having nothing better to do than walk around airport terminals with a shapely stewardess on each arm. Allow me to clarify then.

Despite all the funny jokes, Flying is a profession to be taken seriously. Things can go from ho-hum to awww-crap-F%$#-s*^&-OMG in about three seconds or less. Which is why pilots spend a great deal of time and effort (and money!) to achieve proficiency at what they do. If pilot examinations are an indication, pilots today are a heady mix of aviator, navigator, engineer, cartographer, meteorologist, psychologist, regulator, physicist, radio operator and much more with some leadership and people management skills thrown in for good measure! And they can’t just sit on their behinds once initial licensing is complete. Life as a commercial pilot has a steady supply of examinations, check rides, sim evaluations and medicals. All this in addition to everyday life problems associated with working odd hours, being away from home for extended periods and medical layoffs not to mention the general havoc wreaked upon the circadian rhythms.

Flying isn’t just takeoff-autopilot-land. That is just the tip of the cumulonimbus (a little aviation humour there... he he... no? Sigh...). There is a great deal of work involved in each flight. Pilots are human beings too. Not miracle workers. So don’t take out your anger on them the next time your flight gets delayed or you're woken from your slumber because of a little turbulence. Show some appreciation and smile at the flight crew when exiting the aircraft instead of grunting like a Neanderthal. Not too much to ask for, is it? They did get you halfway across the world in one piece.